unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
