im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
