It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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