woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The power of my boobs compel you
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
