Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
