He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
