Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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