Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
wow bdsm is so cute
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize