Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
