who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
