I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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