I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
