i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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