guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
