i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
