I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
