Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
