another moral hangover. fuck.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
