I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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