when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
