Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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