just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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