Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's blow job season.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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