Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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