If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
