Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
where does the pee come out of this thing
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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