I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
