saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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