I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
