i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
