end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
