I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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