Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize