R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
