I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
