I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
