Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
