Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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