i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
