im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
