My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We had sex on a dog bed..
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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