You're completely useless in the revolution.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
