I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
