I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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