Umm I'm too high to move.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
