Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Soap is not a condiment
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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