Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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