Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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