margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
oh god the rape fog is back!
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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