I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
well you can't waste a boner
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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