I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
