I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
A bitchslap is in order.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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