so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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