I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
