My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
