So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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