I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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