Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
smell my finger.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
