HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
