yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
