I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I know her cup size but not her name....
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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