Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
