Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
