Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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