a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
