We won't sleep together?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
His hands were made for my vagina.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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