batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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