My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
