god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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