Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
40s are totally the cure
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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