oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
