He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
tell me about the fingering
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