is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
