Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
