You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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